My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
