Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
