she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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