You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize