i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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