Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
