I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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