I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
