Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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