Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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