mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
