what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
