you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
