i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
