why didn't you poke me back
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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