Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
