ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
