just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
