He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
