I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You are a genius and a whore.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
