If i come over, it means nothing
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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