I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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