just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
