I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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