You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
