So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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