This is not my ceiling
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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