my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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