By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
