dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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