I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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