If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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