Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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