i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
