all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
