4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
