There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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