I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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