Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
