why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
