ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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