she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize