youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
