ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my shit smells like andre
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
