I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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