I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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