Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
