he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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