I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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