If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we're making bets on your personal life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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