He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
