I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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