I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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