I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
