If that was your dad, he is hot
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
