This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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