twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
