Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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