Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The struggles of a small town man whore
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
