Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
