dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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