I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
